Bay Area Ministers of Reconciliation
Call Now: (281) 898-8742
  • Home
  • About BAMOR
    • What is Biblical Framework Counseling?
    • BAMOR Counseling Philosophy
      • BAMOR Doctrinal Statement
  • BAMOR Counselors
    • Robert Lemley
    • Stacie Lemley
  • Contact BAMOR
  • Documents
    • A Biblical Study for  Drug and Alcohol Abuse Recovery 
    • Abuse in the Family 
    • Abuse, Separation, Divorce, Remarriage
    • Accountability Questions
    • AUDIBLE PRAYER
    • Biblical Framework
    • Biblical Framework Explained
    • Expressions of Love to Practice
    • Four Kinds of Human Relationship
    • Four Kinds of Human Relationship (Outline)
    • Help for the Wise Woman In Turning Away Wrath
    • How Do I Become A Mature Christian?
    • How Far Can A Physical Relationship Go Before Marriage?
    • How Does Psychology Work With Biblical Counseling?
    • How to Date God’s Way
    • How To Deal With Past Abuse
    • How to Quiet a Noisy Soul
    • IS “FALSE GUILT” BIBLICAL?
    • Love Chart
    • Lovingly Fulfilling One’s God-Given Roles
      • Adult Child: Lovingly Fulfilling One’s God-Given Roles
      • Child: Lovingly Fulfilling One’s God-Given Roles
      • Fathers: Lovingly Fulfilling One’s God-Given Roles
      • Husband: Lovingly Fulfilling One’s God-Given Roles
        • 30 Ways to Love Your Wife
      • Mothers: Lovingly Fulfilling One’s God-Given Roles
      • Wife: Lovingly Fulfilling One’s God-Given Roles
    • My Heart Christ’s Home
    • PROVEN WAYS TO MEMORIZE A VERSE EFFECTIVELY
    • Reconciliation with a Hardened Wife by Reb Bradley
    • Sanctification Bible Studies
      • Recognizing & Avoiding Spiritual Amnesia
      • God is Sovereign Bible Study
      • God is Supreme Bible Study
      • Purpose of Life
      • What I Can’t Control / What I Can Control
        • Can and Can’t Control Homework
      • Understanding Lust
      • Understanding Idolatry
      • How do we Process Life?    
        • Identifying My Idolatrous Lust (FORM)
      • A Biblical Study of Idolatry/Desire/Lust/Pleasure from Ezekiel and James
      • Justification by Faith and Justification by Works DID JAMES CONTRADICT PAUL?
    •  Talk Dates 
    • The Doctrine of Spiritual Growth
    • THE FATHER’S LOVE LETTER
    • Understanding Anger
    • What Is Nouthetic Counseling
    •  When A talks to B about C 
    • When To Keep Our Mouth Shut
  • New to BAMOR Forms

What I Can’t Control / What I Can Control

  • Home
  • What I Can’t Control / What I Can Control

 

 

 


What I can’t Control

Outcome of Circumstances

-Weather

-Stock market

-Government decisions

-Economy, etc

Other People

-Their Thoughts

-Their Emotions

-Their Desires

-Theirs Words

-Their Actions

(Ecclesiastes 3:1-11, 7:13-14, 9:1-2)

What I can Control

Myself

My thoughts

My emotions

My desires

My words

My actions

(Romans 12:2-3, Proverbs 16:32, Psalms 37:4, Ephesians 4:29, 22-24)

 

What are the implications of this reality?  (as a believer)

Sometimes we operate in our flesh and we act like we can control other people and the outcome of circumstances.

When we do so, the result is often anger, depression, discontentment, worry (can be manifestations of wanting to be in control and a lack of trust in God.)

These are basically saying, “God, you are not doing it right! Scoot over and make room for me on the throne.”

A proper reaction (walking in the Spirit) would be to recognize that a loving and sovereign God has allowed these circumstances in my life. Ultimately, they are for God’s glory.  This brings freedom and peace.

This is not to say that we can’t be disappointed or sorrowed by circumstances. Common sorrow is not sinful.

If I cannot control others, others cannot control me. Why do we blame others as if they control us?       (see Genesis 3, Adam and Eve blame shifted)

“You made me angry!” This is a false statement; no one has the power to make you angry.  They may provide a circumstance and you CHOOSE to become angry.

“He made me do that” or “He made me say that”. These are false.  He provided a circumstance and you choose to do or say that.

The bottom line is that we choose our response to circumstances and other people.

God does not hold you responsible for the actions of other people. When others sin, they are primarily sinning against a Holy God.  (see Psalms 51:4)  You are not responsible to God for them.

God does hold you responsible for your response to circumstances and other people. If we sin in response, we have sinned primarily against our Holy God.  (Galatians 5:19-21)

God is righteous to hold us responsible for our own actions because we can control ourselves. (as believers)

God is righteous in that He does not hold us responsible for the actions of others or circumstances because we are not in control of them.

 

We must evaluate and take responsibility for our response to the outcome of circumstances and other people.

(Galatians 5:16-25, 6:4-5)

We should evaluate our motivation in how we respond in any given circumstance.

 

 

There Are Only Two Motivations In Life

LOVE FOR GOD & OTHERS

or

MY SELFISH DESIRES

 

See (James 1:13-14, 3:13-16, 4:1-3) and (1 John 2:15-17, James 4:4, James 3:16)

We can be motivated by the love for God in one moment and then switch motivations to selfish desires.

Love for God is manifest by choosing to not sin. By being obedient.  (John 14:15)

Our example is Christ- more than any other person who has ever been on the face of the earth, Our LORD deserved respect, honor, to be catered to, and to live a comfortable life. He did not always receive these desires:  But he always chose to be obedient to the Father.  He is without sin.  (Philippians 2:3-11)

God opposes the Proud but gives grace to the humble. Humility looks like being more concerned about obedience than getting what you want.  (James 4:6)

 

 

 

Answer the following questions about the possible circumstances:

 

Possible Circumstances:

#1   Stuck in a traffic jam.

#2   Spouse does not respond as you expected.

#3   Spouse demands you spend time on their preference.  Not considering what you want to do.

#4   Someone speaks lies about you and misrepresents your motivations.

#5  Add your own circumstance.

  1. What can’t you control/can control?
  2. How would you feel and what would you do if you were motivated by selfish desires?
  3. What is that desire (see desire chart below)?
  4. How would you feel and what would you do if you were motivated by loving God?

 

  • To be loved
  • To be accepted
  • To be understood
  • To be respected
  • To be served
  • To never be hurt, or disappointed by others
  • To have personal preferences, accommodated at all times
  • To be viewed as competent
  • To be approved of
  • To belong
  • To be held in high regard
  • To be satisfied
  • To be safe/secure
  • To be comfortable
  • To never be alone
  • To have peace
  • To have a trouble, free, pain-free life
  • To have someone exposed
  • To be treated fairly

Note:  These desires are not sinful in themselves:  When we are lured and enticed by them, we are willing to sin to get them, sin if we don’t get them or sin if they are threatened.  Our desires can become demands. 

 

2012 Bay Area Ministers of Reconciliation - Web Design by Adwebvertising, LLC †